Broken
by Traditional.Rose
Summary: Bella is in a car accident. Edward tries to comfort her but a gap forms between them. Edward tries to save her and their relationship, Bella just tries to deal. A growth and bonding story. Future sex scenes. ExB.
1. Chapter 1

**OK so a huge thank you to every person who reviewed **_**'Car Crash' **_**and **_**'Repercussions'**_**. I wanted to flesh out this dream I had; it started like '**_**Car Crash'**_** but it was a lot darker. So I decided to write a darker piece. While this story is very ExB, it's not as anywhere near as fluffy as my other stuff. Give it a go though, you might like it. In my mind, Bella and Edward are married in this story but Bella is still human. They don't have to be married to any of you but there will be sex scenes in future chapters so you better be prepared. No Jacob/Volturi/Victoria sorry. **

**BPOV**

I was so cold. I couldn't lie next to Edward; I was sure I would freeze. I knew he wanted to hold me. But I couldn't let him. Right now, I just had to get warm. And breathe.

My body was rocking so hard I couldn't inhale properly. I could hear voices, telling me to calm down and relax but there was no way my body could do that.

Didn't the voices see that I was broken? Didn't they see that I couldn't do anything to fix that? And there was nothing they could do either?

I tried to roll onto my side but piercing pain shot through me and I heard my voice box contract in a horrific gargle.

I was aware of Edward's intake of breath but I didn't feel his hands comforting me as I predicted. Which was good. He was cold. I was cold. I would only freeze.

The back of my head felt so heavy. It was as though someone was grabbing my hair and pulling me backwards. It stung and was making me dizzy. I heard myself gasping and gagging but couldn't stop.

I kept my eyes closed and gave myself over to the darkness.

xx

**EPOV**

I cracked open my bedroom door, my eyes darting automatically to Bella. She was lying against a dozen or so pillows, her hair a tangled mess. Her colour was awful. Pale. Blotted. Her cheeks seemed swollen. Her eyes were open, unfocused.

"Bella." The word came out as a sigh. I couldn't breathe when she was in so much pain. I swallowed hard. I had to be strong for my love. "Bella, how are you feeling?"

She continued to stare off for a moment until she finally looked over at me. I wanted to gasp. She looked dead. Broken. Not like my Bella. She shrugged her shoulders. I nodded. Understandable. Expected. But still, I wanted her to smile at me more than anything in the world. I need Bella to be alright. But she isn't. Not even Bella could bounce back from last night.

Bella had been in a crash. One fatality. It wasn't her fault.

A man was drunk driving with his 12 month old son in the back seat. Bella was driving home from work; she knows the roads. She is always careful. She is a good driver. But the man came speeding around the corner and collided with Bella. The man was fine; untouched. Bella has two cracked ribs. The little boy died on impact. Impact with Bella's truck.

Carlisle and I arrived moments later, having run from our house. I had only had time for Bella, getting her little body out of the cabin, accessing her for damage. She was conscious but confused, dazed.

Even though the fault lay with the other man, any person would no doubt blame themselves. Bella, beautiful, good Bella, would blame herself. But then the drunken father, not yet realising his son's fate, had ran over to us. Screamingat Bella. Swearing. Blaming. Threatening. My little Bella was too shocked to understand. I could feel the fear in her. I felt her body coil against mine; hiding her face in my shirt.

Carlisle had been screaming internally at me to take Bella away; also sensing Bella's fear and my fury. If it wasn't for the fact that I was holding her in my arms, I know I would have pounced at the vile man. How _dare_ he endanger my Bella. How _dare_ he hurt her. How _dare_ he threaten her.

The door handle cracks in my hand; crumbling. I look down startled then quickly throw it back into the hallway; praying Bella didn't see. The last thing she needs right now is to be reminded of violence and breaking.

I had to calm my body. I didn't trust myself to get any closer to Bella.

Last night was one of the hardest of my life. My Bella, yet again, hunted down by danger. That man threatened her. Being unable to protect her from his words. Then telling her that the child had died.

My body shuddered.

I thought I could handle it; if only I could get her home. Carlisle had released her from the hospital and took the night off to care for her. But her body had gone into shock. She screamed and kicked, exacerbating her injuries. Carlisle had to inject Valium into her dark blue veins. And when she had calmed down; she had curled into herself; facing away from me.

I was unprepared for that. I had thought she would automatically reach to me for comfort and security. But she had shrugged off my hold without a word.

It was as though I had been punched. I couldn't breathe or see sense. It was foreign to me. Bella and I needed each other. We depended on each other and spoke about everything freely. _But she turned away from me_. Just the memory of that had me cringing.

If I could cry, I would be sobbing. I had been dry sobbing only minutes before.

Then she'd woken up. I convinced myself that the shock of the night would have worn off and she would finally accept me and let me wrap my arms around her, let me kiss her tears away and rock her.

But her eyes went back to the window; her body still slumped passively on my bed. Her heart beat was too slow. It was like she was asleep. But she was awake.

I sighed silently and walked into the room. She didn't move as I sat on the side of the bed. I didn't know if I was more upset that she didn't move into me or more relieved that she didn't move away again. I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Slowly, I reached up and ran a hand through her knotted hair. She didn't meet my eyes and we stayed in silence.

I was fighting the rising panic. Bella was safe and warm below me. That was the only thing that mattered. But she wasn't with me. Not really. I didn't know where she was. But I need her to come back to me.

_Bella. I can't breathe without you. Please. _Please._ Turn to me. I'm here. I love you. You did nothing wrong. I love you._

But the memories are probably still too fresh in her mind. It's unrealistic of me to expect so much of her. She just needs time. My Bella is resilient. She will be fine. _Please._

**Short intro. The story will probably be mainly Bella POV, even though everyone loves Edward. I may put a few from him in. It's a bonding story. And there will be sex scenes. I would love any comments. **


	2. Chapter 2

**In case you haven't guessed yet; this story isn't necessarily 'happy' but it will get better. With BxE chapters to come so hang in there guys! The poem is '**_**Dulce Et Decorum Est' **_**by Wilfred Owen. **

I could feel my pulse running. I had to calm down my breathing. But it was as though my body no longer belonged to me. I couldn't do anything to stop its actions.

Edward's eyes were boring into my head. I turned, still looking down at the table. Lifting my head took too much effort. "What?" I whispered.

I felt the tension of the table rise dramatically. I was never curt with Edward. But sentences were too much work right now. So was speaking at a normal conversational level. Good thing I was sitting at a table with Vampires and their amazing hearing.

"I think I should take you home." Edward spoke quietly as well.

I shook my head. No. I was staying at school.

He had come into his room early this morning; right after I woke. It felt like I really hadn't even slept. Every few minutes I jolted awake from dark nightmares that I didn't understand.

"_Where are you going?" He asked when I got out of the bed._

_I swallowed with difficulty. Words. I couldn't even speak. I wished he could just read my mind. It took me a minute to work up to speaking. "School."_

_He frowned. "You don't have to go to school today. Stay home with me and rest."_

_But I shook my head and left the room, heading for the bathroom. _

I couldn't stay locked up. The entire town would know anyway. There was no avoiding it. And school was better than staying in bed with my thoughts. I stood motionless in the shower; letting the hot water scald my body. I was deep red when I exited but I still felt freezing. I was shivering with goosebumps. Luckily Alice had left a pile of clothes for me on the counter and I dressed slowly. By the time I came down the stairs, it was time for school. Still, Edward tried to lead me towards the kitchen for breakfast. Again I shook my head and we drove in silence to school.

My first two classes were a blur. I felt Edward by my side always and the eyes that followed me everywhere. He tried to talk to me; not seeming to grasp my muteness. Other people talked to me too. Asked me questions. I don't know who they were; I couldn't raise my head to give faces to the voices. I didn't talk. And the voices went away.

But the sound in the cafeteria was thunderous. Hundreds of different voices. And they were laughing. I couldn't handle that. How could they find anything funny? Were they laughing at me? I didn't have the energy to check.

"Bella, you should eat something." Came a voice I knew. Edward. Calm. Gentle.

But still I recoiled and remained silent. I could see trays of food in front of me. Six. All were untouched. The food looked disgusting, cold and clumpy. My stomach gave a violent protest to the possibility of eating any of it.

Edward sighed. The simple action held such anger and frustration. My hands remained tightly bunched around me, unmoving.

Suddenly Edward stood and snatched up both of our trays and turned. Really, he should know better than to make sudden movements around me. I jerked and then five pairs of eyes were on me again.

I kept my eyes downward as Edward took the trays to the bins.

xx

Like something from a movie, the room had gone quiet as we entered. For once, the conversations awkward pauses probably had nothing to do with Edward or us. It was me alone they were talking about.

I was shaking from the effort it took me to get to our English class. Edward's hand was behind me elbow, guiding. I sat down in my chair, pulling my book out.

The teacher came and stood by the side of my table. I heard her intake of breath, as though she was going to speak but instead she placed a booklet of paper down for Edward and I each then continued around the classroom.

I rested an elbow on the deck, my hand cupping my throat. I could feel my pulse thundering. Edward was silent beside me.

We were starting the topic of Poetry today and I flipped open the booklet to the first page. My stomach dropped.

Owen and Sassoon. _Oh no._

I had studied them back in Phoenix. They were two very famous World War one poets. I used to love their work.

But as I looked over to the second page, I saw the words I was dreading. _Dulce Et Decorum Est. _

My eyes scanned the poem, words jumping out. Screamed louder than anything I had heard in twenty-four hours. _Drunk... writhing... blood...innocent... yelling...stumbling...In all my dreams, before my helpless sight, He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning._

I could feel the vile rising and my panic growing. Without conscious effort, I grabbed my book and my bag and literally ran from the classroom. I heard the door slam behind me as I bolted down the corridor. I stumbled and half fell down the stairs; my heart ringing in my ears.

I flung open the door and sprinted outside. I couldn't breathe. My lungs weren't big enough. My knees buckled and I collapsed against the wall.

Today of all days it wasn't raining. The day when my tears were storming inside of me, the clouds held firm. But I suppose that was a good thing. I could lean against the wall, holding myself on the pavement without the added wetness of rain. I rested my head back against the wall. _Breathe Bella._ That was what Edward always said.

With shaking hands I opened my book and the booklet. There were questions that you had to provide a written answer. Work to do. That was good. I began scribbling down words that were barely legible. My hands were shaking again. I looked over the poems without really reading them, answering the first two questions in detail.

And then I wasn't alone anymore. Edward. Edward was beside me, watching me. I knew he wanted me to look up but instead I continued writing. He leaned against the wall; I could see his hands limp in his lap. I listened to his breathing as I wrote. It wasn't steady. That was unusual.

What twisted cruel luck was it that I was studying _Dulce Et Decorum Est_ today? A poem that graphically describes the horrific death of someone young and innocent. And I had always loved that poem. '_How sweet and noble it is'_ was the translation of the title. Sarcasm and irony clearly implied. Well the irony was clear to me now.

It was as though Owen had written the words of me. _In all my dreams and before my helpless sight. _He had watched dozens die. Had he ever seen a child die? Had he ever seen the moment of realisation dawning on a parents face? And did it last forever, the dreams?

Suddenly cold arms are around me. And words. I listened.

"Shhh Bella. Please stop. Please." What did Edward want to stop?

I could feel my body trembling violently inside his embrace. Was that it? I closed my eyes, feeling a slight sting as I did. There was another sound too. Sobs. I didn't have any tears but I was sobbing fiercely. The cries wracking my frame, making my teeth chatter. I didn't have any control over my body; I hadn't even realised I was doing it.

I couldn't stop it so instead I just listened to Edward. Was...was he crying too? I couldn't tell. But I could hear him saying my name over and over. And he was holding me tightly to his chest.

Finally my body seemed to stop trembling from the crying but now I was shivering. Cold again. Not that I had been warm before.

Edward released his grip on me a little and I shuffled away from him. I heard him take some deep breaths. It was beginning to mist slightly, I realised. My body gave a fierce shiver before he spoke up, "I really think I should take you home."

I picked at nothing on my jeans. I was cold. And school was torture. Not that the location mattered overmuch; I would probably lose it anywhere I was. But there was a tone of pleading in his voice. I sighed, nodding. People already had enough to talk about; they didn't need front row seats to my breakdown too. If I hadn't been able to predict or stop that one, who knew if it could happen again? Edward didn't need to deal with that.

His white hand came into my vision and I stared at it dumbly for a moment before I realised he was trying to help me up. I placed my hand on it and his fingers curled around automatically. He gently pulled, placing an arm around my torso as well. His hands stayed where they were when I was horizontal; checking my balance I think. Then he bent down and picked up my books and bag.

I began walking silently towards the car park. I heard the jingle of his keys and he was in front of me, opening the car door. He waited until I was seated before leaning down and pulling the seatbelt across me. His scent was so familiar. But my stupid body reacted to his temperature, trembling slightly. He quickly placed my books in my lap and closed the door.

A second later he was in the driver's seat, cranking the engine and heating. The same old corners moved me gently in the deep seat. Drops were falling, decorating the windscreen now.

We pulled into the Cullen driveway and Edward opened the front door for me. I walked lifelessly up the stairs and into his room. The big bed swallowed me and I nestled into the sheets, pillows surrounding me. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted the mind numbing senseless images of dreams.

I was vaguely aware of Edward coming and sitting beside me, on the outside of the covers though.

The reality of the past twenty-four hours didn't seem real. I was working yesterday. I was counting down the hours until I got to see Edward again. The drive home was a blur. I remember the turn, the turn I had taken hundreds of times. I remember headlights and pressing my horn sternly and then the realisation I was going to crash. The impact hurt. I remember Edward's arms trembling as he held me, dangerous vibrations through his body as a man yelled. I knew I wasn't at fault. I had right of way. It just seemed like the latest in a long stream of dramas that was my life and I was glad Edward was there. But then he spoke. Edward, who's voice was too good to ever have to tell bad news. And it was bad news. The worst.

I cringed and jerked; my body shaking off the memory.

Edward's hand was on my cheek then. "Bella?" I shook my head. "Bella. What can I do?"

I shook my head again. This was one thing that even Edward couldn't fix.

**Not a lot of dialog I know but there will be. It's not a happy story so far but I wanted to see what would happen to Edward and Bella when something bad happens. I would really appreciate any comments you have. More Edward? More anything?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for my reviews guys! I really didn't anticipate the response I had but I'm not complaining. Ok, again, thank you for even reading. . **

"Still not hungry?" Alice's big brown eyes looked down at me; filled with love and concern.

I shook my head and she wrapped a cool arm around me, giving me a squeeze. Then she plonked down her own tray and sat beside me. Edward was on my other side, silently watching like he had been all day. Until now he had been patient, loving and concerned as well. But I could feel the storm building within him as lunch had approached.

He'd heaped our joint tray with piles of food. Food that I had yet to touch. I'd slept through dinner last night and Edward hadn't woken me. But the look of distress in his eyes had motivated me to eat the toast he made me for breakfast. It hadn't lasted long before I threw it up. Violently. Edward had patted my back and put toothpaste on my brush calmly, not bringing it up again. But now, the frustration was palpable.

And I think Jasper was sending my hunger vibes to encourage me to eat. My stomach wasn't responding properly though, just tying itself up.

Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet were making quiet conversation while Alice and Edward kept sending each other looks over my head.

A burst of laughter came as the doors to the cafeteria opened. I looked up and watched Jess, Mike, Lauren, Tyler and Eric walk through the doors, talking loudly. Mikes' eyes searched until he found me and then he grinned and waved eagerly. I quickly looked down. I can't deal with that today.

Edward leaned over and kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath of his scent while he was still close.

"Someone is going to mistake you for one of us if you don't eat soon." Emmet joked, looking deliberately down at my untouched tray.

I sighed and picked up the fork, pushing the food around a little with absolutely no intention of actually eating it. Emmet went back to talking to Jasper. I shivered again. I just couldn't seem to get warm anymore. Alice joined in the conversation and the attention was off me for a minute. But I could feel a different set of eyes on me now. From across the table. I glanced up and found Rosalie's watching me acutely.

She looked pointedly down at the fork in my hand and then back into my eyes. "You should eat. You're really upsetting Edward. And Alice."

I felt a massive wave of guilt wash over me that had nothing to do with Jasper. My body slumped. I was upsetting Edward. And Alice. Of course I really had already known that but that their misery was noticeable to others... I cringed, hating myself. Edward and his beautiful sister were upset because of me. Would I ever stop causing people pain?

Edward growled quietly and put an arm around me, pulling me close to him. He kissed my head and leaned down; his mouth to my ear. "Do not worry about Rose Bella."

But I could hear the pain in his voice. Why was I being such a big baby? Edward had put up with me being a depressed mute and I couldn't even swallow down a few bites of pizza?

I deliberately picked up the green apple and glanced over at him. He smiled encouragingly. Everyone pretended they weren't watching as I took a bite of the fruit. I chewed and swallowed slowly.

Edward lent forward and kissed my cheek. I could do this for him. I took another few experimental bites and Alice winked at me.

I actually looked up and listened to the conversation Jasper and Emmet were having then. Apparently they were arguing about something. The words were a little too fast for me to follow. It wasn't like the Cullen's to let their facade down in the middle of school. But then I realised that it was me. Everything in my world seemed to be going in slow motion. And I hadn't eaten in about thirty-six hours... No wonder Edward was worrying about me. I frowned and took a large bite out of the fruit.

I managed to pick out a few words of the conversation. Something about Emmet cheating. It was a small comfort to realise that the world was still the same. Emmet's world at least. He promised he was innocent of course. Jasper was against him.

"It's not my fault you can't work a controller." He protested.

"You sabotaged the controller Emmet." Jasper sighed.

Emmet looked offended. "No I didn't. You just can't handle the pressure."

"It's a play station game." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

Emmet nodded. "Exactly Jasper. I don't see why you're so touchy. It's not like you actually crashed a real car-"

He broke off; breathing in so hard it was almost a hiss. And then five pairs of eyes were back on me. I was chewing and it took me a second to realise why there was a pause. _Crash. Car. Oh._

My stomach gave a fierce protest and Edward growled beside me.

I had never seen Emmet look so scared. Or so pale. His eyes were big and wide, watching me. He was definitely speaking at vampire speed when he spoke. "Bella. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it-"

But my legs constricted under the table and I bolted upright, cutting him off. I flung the apple down on the table and turned, sprinting from the cafeteria. I heard the screech of other chairs being pushed behind me but I didn't turn to look.

Instead I scrambled out of the room and down the hallway; into the Girls Room. I barely made it into a cubical before the half an apple came back up. I kneeled beside the toilet, gagging horribly.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's quick little footsteps as she came and stood beside the open door. I hadn't had time to close it. She kneeled beside me and rubbed my back. "Bella. Stop. You don't have anything left." I winced and shook my head, I couldn't stop. She pulled me roughly away and when I opened my eyes, I was leaning against the wall. Alice's anxious face was inches from mine. I cringed back. "Sorry." She frowned and squatted beside me.

She placed her hand on my forehead; she was cold and hard against my fevered skin. But the contact unlocked something in my mind and suddenly I was crying. I saw the shock on Alice's elfin face before she blurred; sitting down and pulling me to her side. She held me as my body rocked with sobs. I was so hot. I was just getting used to being cold. I felt her arms rub up and down my back which only made me cry harder.

"Ed-ward." I blubbered, looking desperately up at her. I couldn't stop the crying but Edward could. She had to get me Edward.

No sooner had I said his name then the bathroom door flung open and Edward was kneeling in front of us. "Oh Bella." He spoke, tucking hair behind my ear. I sobbed and threw myself at him. His arms were instantly open then enveloping me. His body felt so good against mine.

My cries echoed creepily against the tiled room. I didn't like the sound. I don't think Edward did either because he was picking me up like a baby and carrying me outside. I closed my eyes and clung to his neck; trying to get closer. I had been so cold lately I couldn't even touch him without shivers. But now I was burning up and his skin was wonderful.

When I opened my eyes again I was sitting in Edward's lap on a bench just outside of the school. It was raining lightly but it made no difference to my temperature. He rocked me slowly as my tears stopped.

"Edward." I whispered, my arms still around his neck.

He rested his head against my forehead. "Please. Tell me what to do. How can I help you?" He whispered.

I remained silent. I wanted to tell him he was doing everything perfectly. I just needed him. Here. Beside me. Holding me. Loving me. But words were still too much. So we just sat as the rain slowly got heavier.

I listened to his breathing, matching my own to his. It was calming. Soothing. To know were still together, still in sync. Edward's fingers were playing with my dripping hair. It felt so good to be back in his arms.

"Edward!" I heard someone laugh. We both turned, seeing a figure come from the direction of the main building. It took me a second to realise it was Lauren. Edward stiffened and tightened his grip on me. "Oh." She paused momentarily when she saw me in his lap; it must have seemed like he was sitting alone from behind. But then Lauren kept walking. She sat right next Edward. "What are you doing out here in the rain?" Lauren asked him lightly.

We both stared at her. We must have looked a sight. Edward, dripping wet; holding a thin, sick me in his lap. But it didn't seem to bother her. Edward shifted me slightly so I was closer to him. "We just needed some air."

Lauren nodded, like this was perfectly normal. Her straightened hair was beginning to fizzle in the rain. Then she looked over at me, like she saw me for the first time. I cringed under her gaze. "Bella, I wanted to ask you something-"

Abruptly Edward stood, picking me up too. "No." He said sternly then turned and begun walking towards his car. I kept my arms tightly around him but of course he had no trouble carrying me. I knew he felt my questioning gaze on him but he just looked straight ahead.

"But Bella!" Lauren called from behind us. I heard splashes as her footsteps got closer. Edward picked up his pace.

We reached his car and, somehow, Edward opened my door and settled me in the front seat. We made brief eye contact. I saw anger, fury in his eyes.

Lauren had caught up by now and was standing by the side of the car. I thought she was smiling slightly but it didn't look happy.

Then Edward turned. Lauren let out a startled cry and actually jumped back a little. I desperately tried to see what was going on but Edward's body was blocking my view. She took in a sharp breath and then Lauren turned and was quickly walking away.

I jumped as Edward closed my door and then he was beside me, starting the engine.

"What-" I was cut off by the screeching of his tires as he sped out of the Lott.

He kept his eyes on the road. I took in his clenched jaw and tense posture; his hands tight on the wheel. He was furious. What had happened? What had Lauren done? Obviously she had thought about something that upset him...and things that upset Edward were usually to do with me. I felt my body erupt in goosebumps. _Oh._

Edward's eyes snapped over to me. His hand was on my cheek. His eyes were deep with regret. "I'm sorry." Why was he apologising? He took a shaky breath. "I lost my temper." He looked back out the windscreen and his hand dropped to my lap. I took it with both of mine, ignoring how cold we both felt. "Would you..." He trailed off.

I swallowed hard. "What?"

He looked me over carefully. "Would you mind going somewhere with me?"

I shook my head automatically. I couldn't bear to be without Edward at this stage. Wherever he was going, I would have to follow. His hand squeezed mine. "No." I whispered. "No. I don't mind going somewhere with you." My voice croaked from lack of use.

Edward nodded and pulled my hand to his lips; kissing it chastely. Then he turned on his blinker; getting onto the freeway.

**Thank you for reading. The next chapter will have a sex scene so hold onto your socks and get ready. Love, me xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for my reviews, I really didn't even expect them. This story isn't really the fluffy thing people tend to go for. But I really appreciate the support. Thanks again. Love, me xx**

The contraption beeped, flashing green and Edward pulled the card-key out and opened the door. We both shuffled into a close corridor and Edward flipped the lights on. I blinked at the sudden contrast and followed him as he walked silently forward.

The hallway ended abruptly; breaking open into a large room. The walls were rich brown, almost fawn, with deep cushioning carpet and matching heavy drapes. The room was warm I noticed. There was a large, plump bed pushed up against one wall, with a little couch set on the other side.

I leaned against the wall and peeled off my wet shoes; not wanting to disrupt the room and its five-star rating.

Edward had taken the main highway south for hours. I think I fell asleep about five o'clock. It was actually really nice. Something about being in a confined space with only Edward, knowing no one else could see me, with his familiar music playing softly. I'd slept in oblivion, comfortably for hours only to be snapped awake by the sound of a horn. Which of course, only set me off again. I shuddered. I didn't like the sound of car horns anymore. When I got myself together enough to look around, I saw that we were in Portland, the busy city flickering out of the window. I sat mute as Edward navigated through the intricate streets with ease. We stopped in the CBD, beside a massive tower. It was eleven thirty at night and the building shone from hundreds of lights inside. I'd gasped when my door opened and stared dumbly up at the chauffer greeter. Edward had taken me to the most expensive hotel in the city. Of course.

I didn't want to think about what other people thought when they saw us walk into the foyer. It was late and there weren't many people around, but we managed to get at least a dozen double takes. Not that I blamed them. Edward, gorgeous, and his shirt still lightly crumpled from the rain and then sitting for so long. Me, actually still wet and dripping somehow, with insane hair and deep, purple marks under my eyes. To his credit, the receptionist had smiled professionally and quickly served Edward without a hint of judgement.

We'd gotten into the elevator and ridden in silence.

"Is this ok?" Edward asked, standing by an antique-looking desk in the far corner. He ran a hair through his hair. "The Penthouse was rented out months ago."

I glanced around the room again. It was by far the most luxurious hotel I had ever been in. Only Edward's own house could compete, but really that was much homier and would win easily. The room now had the slight smell of rose petals and, as I sat my bare feet down, they sunk into the carpet. I nodded. I would've been happy to sleep in his car or a little Bed n' Breakfast. This was more than ok.

Edward put his keys down on the table and picked up the phone. "I'm ordering you some dinner. Do you have any particular requests?" I frowned but he knew me too well. "It's a Five-Star hotel Bella. The kitchen is open twenty-four hours."

Of course it is, I wanted to say. But my throat had once again constricted from lack of use. Edward flipped open a menu that was lying on the table and dialled quickly; speaking into the phone without consulting me further.

I rolled my shoulders back, trying to untense after the long ride. There was a full length mirror behind me but I shied away from my appearance. I didn't want to know what I looked like right now. I knew how I felt and that was enough.

I plodded over the couch set. It looked so perfect. Like something from a catalogue. I was damp. So I sat down on the carpet, next to the little coffee table. I had slept a large portion of the day but I was still tired. And the room was nice and cosy; despite its size. I was incredibly tempted to lie my head down on the floor and sleep.

Edward came into my line of vision. He sat on one of the wide armchairs opposite me. "I ordered you some risotto. It should be here in a few minutes. Apparently it's a quiet night." I nodded and pulled my fingers through the carpet. I ran my hand up and down, watching the change in the pattern, disinterested. I heard Edward speaking quietly and I looked up at him; he had his mobile to his ear, his other hand running over his face. If it was at all possible, Edward looked _tired._ I was instantly guilty. I'd pulled him away from his family to be with me. But I knew, given the choice, I couldn't give him up. I needed him too much. He sighed and closed his phone after a few minutes. "Alice has arranged for us to be out of school tomorrow."

I smiled up at him and he returned the expression warmly.

There was a knock at the door and Edward was instantly up, opening it. I heard a brief exchange and then he came back in, carrying a steaming plate. He placed in on the table in front of me, along with a fork. It smelt pretty good but, really, I wasn't hungry. He kissed the top of my head as he was bent down. "Please try and eat some."

I flashed back to the image of him a minute ago, ancient and worrying. I took a large forkful and put it in my mouth. I think I heard a quiet sigh of relief but then Edward was back sitting in the arm chair.

We sat in silence for a long time, me forcing a mouthful every few minutes. Each time, I made sure the last bite was down and solid before attempting to think of another. I didn't want Edward to be stuck in a room with me if I was sick. I hadn't even looked at the bathroom; I was sure it was as gracious and lavish as the rest of the place.

When the last lot of risotto felt queasy in my stomach I stopped and pushed the plate away. I sat there for a moment, debating whether or not to make a run for the bathroom. I contemplated. No, I didn't think so.

But then I heard a slow, hushed growl. At first I thought it was my stomach; disagreeing with me. But I glanced up and saw Edward. His hands were gripping the arms of the chair so tightly I thought he was going to smash them. He wasn't looking at my face but still at me; his eyes not really focussed.

I swallowed. "Edward?" I whispered.

His eyes snapped up to mine, the growl was definitely louder. It cut off suddenly and we sat for a second before, "You won't even sit with me anymore." His voice was quiet but I could hear the pain and anger. I looked at him dumbly. The growl started up again, like background music. "I-" He swallowed, holding my gaze. "I am trying to help you but I can't even think. I can't do anything right anymore." I continued to look blankly at him. Didn't he know that he was doing everything just by being here? Suddenly his hand was hiding his face again as he lent into it. His voice was so quiet, I had to lean forward to hear. "I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there. That I didn't protect you. From everything."

My heart rate increased with the verbal reminder of the accident. But Edward's obvious pain override my panic. "Edward." I whispered. He looked up at me, almost frightened. No wonder, I was actually horrifically lately. I swallowed. I couldn't say anything. Because words would lead to more words and he didn't need that.

But his eyes were deep and brown. "What ? What is it Bella?" I winced. I couldn't do this when there was distance between us. I tried to get up but ended up half crawling. In a flash, he was on the floor in front of me, kneeling. I crawled forward until our bodies were touching and I took his hand. It was firm, strong. His other hand reached up to my cheek and I felt him rub away something. A tear. I was crying. "Bella." Edward whispered. "Please. Let me in." He chuckled humourlessly. "Let me in that beautiful little head of yours."

I found my voice in the form of a sob. "You won't like it. It's not a good place right now."

He rubbed away more tears and kissed my forehead. Then Edward leaned back and took in a deep, shaking breath. We sat quietly for a minute; getting used to being close to one another again. I kept a tight grasp on his hand. Finally his other hand came beneath my chin and lifted my head up to look at him. "I have to know. Bella. Is it because it was a child? Is it reminding you of all the things I cannot give you? Are you imaging the life and lives you could have without me?" His words were whispered and broken in different places.

I searched his eyes desperately. I saw agony within them. He was also desperately trying to read me. Was it...fear? He was afraid. He was afraid the accident had made me think about children. And wanting children. And leaving him. _"No!"_ The word bursted out, louder than anything I had said in days. No he couldn't think that. Edward can't be afraid. My hands reached of their own accord, holding both sides of his face. "No. Edward. You were the only thing that was keeping me _alive_ the past few days. I need you. Only you." My own speech was broken from lack of use and my intensity.

Edward closed his eyes and his hands covered mine. "But..." His golden eyes opened and watched me. "But you didn't want me around. You didn't want me to hold you or be near you-" He broke off, uncertainly.

I let out a breath; thinking over my actions recently. It was true I realised. While Edward and I always held hands and I always slept curled up against him; I hadn't these past few days. I frowned. "I was cold." I said dumbly. I saw the confusion in his eyes and explained. "I've been so cold since it happened. I didn't want- I know you like how warm I am. I didn't want to get any colder and I didn't want you to feel how cold I was."

The line between his brown deepened. "You were in shock. And then you didn't eat anything so your body couldn't produce any warmth... Is that the only reason?"

What was he talking about. Oh, the children thing. I shivered. "No." I whispered. "I haven't changed my mind. I don't want a child. I only... I was in a crash that killed a baby. I saw how horrific that was for the baby's dad. He lost the person he loved the most. And for me that person is you. It's always been you. I love you. I'm sorry. I've been awful. I just couldn't even think because when I did, all I saw was his face and-"

I was blubbering and he stopped me my squeezing my hand. "I know. You were in shock Bella," he tucked my hair behind my ear, "and you definitely have some Post Traumatic Stress. I see that now. I just..." Edward's eyes looked at me shyly. "I just can't think straight when I don't have you. When I don't have you next to me."

I sighed, comforted by his words. I was the exact same way. I could only speak now that I had him here, directly in front of me with his hand in mine. He was my therapy. "I just need you here. I just need you with me."

"I'm here." He promised. I needed more though. I needed his body to cover mine and protect me. I needed him to shield me from the world, to cradle me and love me. As I looked into his eyes, the mood changed. His eyes darkened slightly and grew bigger, if that were possible. I was instantly aware of how close we were, our bodies almost touching but there was far too much space between us. "I love you."

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Yet more tears had spilled down my cheeks at his words. "I love you too." I whispered.

"Bella," Edward sighed, his thumbs tracing away the wetness. "Let me take care of you._ Please_."

**I know I said this chapter would have a sex scene but I didn't want to rush it. But it will be the next chapter and it will be up tomorrow so please, hold on. xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! Just a quick word; in world, Bella and Edward are already together and this isn't their first time but I tried to write it so that it could be if that's how you imagined it. Really just read and squeal. Now...Sex time! So cover the eyes of the innocent and enjoy!**

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Yet more tears had spilled down my cheeks at his words. "I love you too." I whispered.

"Bella," Edward sighed, his thumbs tracing away the wetness. "Let me take care of you._ Please_." I sniffed and opened my arms. Edward instantly pulled me into his lap and I wound my arms around his neck. He planted light kisses along my jaw line. I sighed. I had missed him. "Bella." He begged. "Tell me what you need."

I shuddered at his words. "You. I need you."

He smiled softly. "You have me. Forever."

I nodded. That may be true. But what I needed now was for his body to heal mine. I needed him to hold me, _squeeze me_. Make me forget the world. I looked into his eyes which were a darkening gold. He would need to hunt very soon or they would go midnight black.

"Edward." I whispered. "I need you to make love to me." I felt his body stiffen slightly beneath me. Suddenly he looked sad again. That wasn't right; Edward shouldn't ever be sad. I traced his face with my fingers. "What's wrong?"

He sighed and blew ice cold air over my face. I closed my eyes at the impact and enjoyed the delicious scent that lingered. "I can't."

My eyes snapped open. "Why?"

Edward shook his head, very slowly, keeping his eyes trained to mine. "My Bella," he paused, "I...I cannot take advantage of you in that way."

"In what way?" Though my voice was still weak we could both hear the desperation in it.

He lent forward and kissed the end of my nose. "You have been through so much these past few days. You are traumatised and you're very, very vulnerable." He chuckled darkly. "I've taken you to a foreign city away from everyone and you are along with only me. It wouldn't be right."

His mouth looked so beautiful when he talked but his words didn't make sense. "Exactly." I frowned. "We're alone. Really alone. How often does that happen? I have you all to myself. And I need you."

"What is it you need exactly?" His eyes thankfully, were lighter than before.

I fidgeted, readjusting my hold on him. I needed him. All of him. I took a deep breath. "I need your body over mine. I need to feel you. I need you to hold me and rock me and love me. I need us to be us again. I only want you. Please Edward-" I looked beseechingly into his eyes, "_please_. _Make love to me_."

Edward's eyes grew wide at my words which came out as a strangled whisper. I could see him debating with himself. He was forever a gentleman and I knew he didn't want to pressure me. But I also knew that he needed me to. Our bodies didn't know how to be without each other. While our minds may have been preoccupied lately, I still felt chills when his fingers ran down my spine.

I shivered and pressed myself closer. Edward bent his head down at my movement, capturing my mouth. My body rejoiced as he pulled me ever closer; our bodies flush against each other.

Edward pulled away suddenly and a frantic, embarrassing cry escaped my lips before I could stop it. But he wasn't stopping; just moving. His lips moved down my jaw to my neck, whisper light. I grasped his hair tightly when I felt him suck hard above my pulse point. My knees quivered; it was a good thing I was already on the ground. I felt his body react beneath me, tightening and trembling.

"Bella." Edward whispered, breaking away from my neck. He looked down at me; his hair messed out and his eyes liquid. I swallowed. Hard.

Then he was picking me up. My body clung to his; not allowing any distance between us despite his movement.

Edward chuckled and laid my down on the deep bed. Apparently he didn't like distance either because his body was then covering me. Kissing down my neck to the edge of my top. He paused; looking up at me questioning. I answered my breaking my hold around his neck to reach down and yank my top up.

He helped me take it the full way off and his eyes raked over my torso; drinking me in. I glanced down too. I was so thin. I didn't look beautiful or voluptuous. I felt a slow blush burn over my cheeks.

Edward locked eyes with me and then suddenly it was dark. I jolted; my hands reaching out for him in the oblivion. They pressed against his chest which was now uncovered. His lips were then back at my neck. I felt his breath against my skin, the vibrations of his words. "I thought you might like it better with the lights off?"

I nodded, knowing he could probably still see perfectly. His cool hands traced down my torso and up again. I shivered in delight. Slowly their path changed; going horizontally. It took me a moment to realise he was going around me. I eagerly lent forward and Edward's hands wrapped around my back, unclasping my bra. A second later it was gone and there was nothing separating our skin.

I groaned. Loudly. I needed him. I missed him. I wanted to tell him thank you and not to stop. But I was breathing in heavy gasps; feeling the sensation of his body against mine when I did. "Edward." I managed to gasp out.

He kissed the tip of my nose. Then he held his mouth just above my lips. I could feel and hear him breathing heavily too. I couldn't take this torture. I lent up and captured his lips. Edward responded by pressing my body heavily into the bed. I could feel every inch of him aligned with me.

I moaned in shock when I felt his ice cold tongue enter my mouth. _The taste._ My body convulsed. I eagerly replied and ran my hands up into his hair, roughly holding him in place.

When I couldn't take it any longer, his mouth broke away and reattached itself to my neck. I let out a low groan. I was overwhelmed by him.

Edward continued his descent over my body, pressing wet kisses along my collar bone, down the centre of my chest. My nipples stung from neglect. But Edward knew me so well and adjusted his actions to the side; licking my right breast. I shuddered and pressed my chest forward. He took my entire nipple into his mouth; licking and teasing. I felt like I would burst but all I could do was lock my hands back into his hair. He switched breasts and begun sucking hard on my left nipple.

I didn't even know the sounds that were coming out of me. But they only seemed to encourage him as his hand reached up; his forefinger and thumb tweaking the abandoned nipple.

"_Edward."_ I groaned.

Slowly, painfully, he let go of my breasts and continued moving downwards. I wanted to scream at him not to stop. I wanted to scream at him to keep going down. Instead I remained silent, trying to get my breathing under control. If I continued like this; I would pass out soon.

My chest felt bare without his body protecting over it. It rose and fell heavily. Edward was planting his light kissed down my stomach, over my belly button. I inhaled heavily, holding onto the sensation of his breath against my skin.

That's when I heard him speaking. I tried to stop breathing to hear him better but my blood was pounding in my ears.

"_Bella, Bella, Bella,"_ It sounded like he was praying. Chanting my name in a quiet, throaty voice.

I instantly felt heat pool at his words. My legs jerked upward; searching for him. I felt his body above me. I felt his arousal too. That only drove me madder.

"Edward." I gasped. He stopped his gruellingly slow rate. I could hear his breathing. "Edward, stop. I need you."

Suddenly my body was covered again with his. Edward's lips were at my ear. He sounded pained. Tortured as well. "I don't want to rush you my love."

I glared at him in the darkness. "I'm ready." I assured him, relocking my hands in his glorious hair. I could feel him resisting but I could also feel him agreeing. Energetically. "Edward." I whispered. I could feel his lips hovering just millimetres away from my own. "_I need you. Now."_

Whatever doubts he had, Edward quickly pushed them away because my legs were suddenly covered in goosebumps without my jeans covering them.

I gasped as I felt his cold body between my legs. My head spun. He was so close. I could feel him but I couldn't yet _feel_ him. His heavy breathing was back at my ear. "Bella," he whispered. I whimpered pathetically, needing friction worst than I ever had. "I love you." Edward whispered.

I reached my hands around his neck; feeling his strong muscles coil. With a deep, long thrust he was inside of me and I cried out in agreement. For a long moment our bodies lay; joined with each other. Our breathing was thick and in unison.

Then I whimpered lightly. I needed movement. Obeying my silent pleas; Edward begun to move. My hands desperately clawed at him. I needed him to go faster.

I could tell Edward had missed me too because before I could start to beg, he picked up his pace.

Our bodies slammed against one another; our cries indistinguishable from each other. I could feel wave after wave of Edward press against me and my mind spun. I could only cling to him and breathe. My body released moans and sighs without my permission.

I could feel and hear a low growl building. Edward's body vibrated above me as he continued to thrust.

I was too hot and his body was teasingly cold against my body. My nipples were hard and brushed against his chest with each movement.

My muscles begun to tense and I coiled myself around Edward, breathing in his scent. I couldn't resist him any longer and my body shuddered violently and I screamed out his name.

My world went black for a second but I could still hear Edward breathing above me. I thought I heard him panting my name too but before I could listen properly I felt his body tremble and he released a loud moan of Bella.

I lay, panting beneath Edward; my body tingling deliciously in waves of little aftershocks. His body was still poised above mine and we were gasping in shared air.

xx

Eventually I managed to make my jelly-arms work and rewind them about his neck. Edward slowly rolled so we were both on our sides, still pressed together. We lay in silence, trying to catch our breath.

I felt his arm loosen around my torso and his finger brush against my lower lip. "Hey beautiful."

My breath was knocked out again; his voice was broken and deep. I worked on keeping my blush down but all of my skin was flushed already. "Hey." I whispered back.

Edward lent in and gently kissed my lips before resting back. "I missed you."

I grinned in the darkness. "I missed you too."

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